She felt an emptiness inside her that couldn’t be filled
with anything. She had tried everything. At least everything possible for her.
Everything she was able to do.
And nothing had worked. Nothing could take away the
pain caused by that black hole.
Food, embracing her teddy bears, spending the whole
night crying under her bed sheets; screaming, throwing away objects, remaining
silent or speaking too much; laughing, smiling, sports, the weariness, common
distractions such as movies; looking at the sky, observing this world’s
beautiful things; the singing of the birds, the sweet gaze of a baby; the sound
children’s laughs, the sun warming up her skin. Nothing did work. She had no
one she could talk to about this, someone who could understand and help. At
least give her a hug to comfort her and soothe some of the pain.
The emptiness remained there. It didn’t decrease no
matter what she did. Every night she was confronted to that emptiness, again
and again. Confronted to her loneliness. The darkness inside her seemed to be
deeper than the night surrounding her.
She woke up every morning, and she smiled to people
around her.
She went to sleep every night, and she sank into a
deep despair she attempted to drown in silent tears.
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